What we are given

We live in a culture in which, above all else, confrontation and unpleasantness are to be avoided, things are to be smooth as Knob Creek, but this comes at a price. Twice in the past two weeks, I've been called a "bitch" (among other, nastier words) by strangers, and it was because things were not as smooth as Knob Creek, and I said so. I simply don't accept the mantra of all encompassing pleasantness. We don't always have to take what we're given. If we're not hungry, for example, we don't have to take food.  And we definitely do not have to take other people's shit. 

When Bush was sitting in the oval throne room, we were, generally, collectively, paralyzed with fear--the much discussed, media-imposed fear. There's a lot to unpack about that. Firstly, what 'media imposed' means. Who, or what, thing or organism is the media? How does it exist and who sustains it--corporations and the government, or me and the people I know? Is it a monster or an anthill? And is 'it' really responsible for our fear? How does such an broad, undefinable entity impose anything on us at all?  How is it that during Bush's presidency we became conscious of the media's role in our inability to live fully, and were still affected by it? And how is it that we seem to have forgotten the role it plays now?

My questions barely scratch the surface of what went on. Those eight years were rife with trauma: two wars begun illegally (are not all wars outside the law?), an economic draft, minds and bodies irreparably damaged, funds taken from children, who, as we all know, were all left behind, in order to stock the arsenal. And, so that those children, uneducated, might later stock the arsenal too. There are all the gaping wounds behind the Patriot Act: house arrests, wire-taps, and the wrongfully accused. There was Hurricane Katrina, the drama of which turned out to be more about racism and lack of humanity than it was about the hurricane. There was the invention of the "partial birth abortion." Behind all of these appellations, of course, are cavernous worlds of stories. And tied up in those stories is a lot of pain, which we all carried around (and still do), and I think, guilt as well.  In 2004, Bush was re-elected, and many Americans cried. In 2004, Victor Yanukovych was elected, and many Ukranians took to the streets.

And now Obama is in office. We are a happier, more lighthearted country, but let me ask you why. Is it because our education system is being repaired? Is it because we are no longer at war? Is it because we have more civil liberties or because  women in need have greater access to the healthcare they need?  Or, is it because instead of using words like "terrorists," and phrases like "with us or against us," Obama uses words like "hope," "unity," and  "perserverence"? He gives us ego boosts, and tells us regularly how strong and good we are. He emanates pleasantness, and so, he has our compliance. We like him, and that is why he is trouble.

Are we really better off now? Has Obama really undone the damage of the Bush administration? It may not be possible to undo, but has he stopped the madness? Are we not still at war? If you've had enough of my questions, here are some facts: the 2010 federal budget includes 663.7 billion for the Department of Defense (a 4% increase since Bush's last budget), and another 42.7 billion dollars for the Department of Homeland Security (also an increase since Bush), while the lowly little Department of Education receives a lowly little 46.7 billion dollars.  The Department of Energy, by the way, receives 26.3 billion, a small dive from 2009's projected 33.9.  (The figures here do not include $$ from the Recovery Act--and by the way, why does the Department of Defense need recovery money--for bombs?) 

The numbers tell us something that might hurt a little: Obama's numbers are more conservative than Bush's. Ouch, ouch, and ouch.  We may be sleeping better now, but at whose expense? The answer is ours. The answer is that Obama is not the answer. I repeat, Obama is not the answer. You are.

In the shadows of our presidents, we oscillate between fear and exuberance, self-loathing and nationalism. Try, paisans, to have pride, but not nationalism. To be energetic and critical all at once. Most of all, be joyful. Do not believe in what you are told, but in what you discover, in what you find in your day, in your heart, in the dirt, between your brow, and then--this is a hard one--cut loose and trust yourself. It is so important to cut loose of fear, but it is also important to have independence from ego-boosts and good-vibe crutches. We are not hungry, but we are reaching for the cookie jar. We do not need him, but we wait, on the edge of our seats, to hear Obama's next words--they are boosts of hope, but they are empty calories. 

I'm lucky to have friends who do a lot of good. Some of them are community organizers. And the question has been going around: was Obama really a community organizer, and did he change when he went into politics, or was his people's man identity a media construction? Well, I asked FactCheck.org, and here was their timely response: 

Q. Was Obama really a community organizer?

A. Yes, that was his job title when he was hired out of college.

I felt nothing when I read this. It confirms nothing. He was a community organizer and he changed, or he was playing hookey with a resume builder. The fact is, it doesn't matter. Why waste time brooding over lost love?

Problems don't go away because you look at them. Don't take what you take because it is what you are given. Take what you need, what you deserve. Trust yourself. Self-affirm. Act. And if you don't know where to start, start with a garden.